This happened.

Customer (producing two completely different types of hair barrettes): This one says it's $2.99, and the other one says it's $4.50. Is that correct?

Me (after scanning both items): Yes.

Customer: I'm buying a lot of stuff. Could you just make that one $2.99 also, and I'll buy both of them?

Me: ...no.

Customer: But I'm buying a lot of stuff.

(She was buying two items that came to $30.)

Customer: I think because of that, they should both be $2.99.

Me: That's... not how these joints operate. I can't haggle. Just because you think something should be a different price doesn't make it so.

Customer: But I'm buying a lot of stuff here.

Me: You're... buying two items... and together, they're thirty bucks... that's not exactly a lot. And, as I said, I can't just haggle. And you're talking about like two dollars here.

Customer: Are you the manager?

Me: ...yes. I'm the manager.

Customer: Well, you are being really inflexible. I just won't take either of the barrettes.

Me: Uh... okay. Er..., $31.79, please?

MY BRAIN WENT PAST FURIOUS AND SETTLED AT AMUSED. I SHOULD ACTUALLY START CARRYING MEDALS AROUND TO HAND OUT FOR THIS NONSENSE. I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF SHE'S AT HOME RIGHT NOW YELLING ABOUT THIS AT WHATEVER POOR HUSBAND SHE HAS.

(Yeah, I'm one to talk--I'm yelling about it at the internet.)

inside

Marvel's Star Trek had some very silly covers.

I've been reading the recently published Star Trek Omnibus Volume 1 from IDW. It reprints the entire Star Trek series from Marvel that was released right after Star Trek: The Motion Picture (the first three issues are omitted--they were an adaptation of the movie itself and will be collected in a movie adaptation omnibus that will make up Volume 2). In those days when Marvel picked up a license to make comic versions of a Hollywood property, the results were often rather lame. A lot of it could be elements of transfering a property from one medium to another--just as sending a comic to a movie theater can be disastrous if one doesn't know what one is doing the same is true of moving a movie/television property to the comic medium. It isn't always bad, and comics companies have learned better ways to do this. But when Marvel did it, it was usually particularly bad (example--although not technically a Hollywood property as such--Marvel's Godzilla series). When Marvel regained Star Trek rights in the 1990's this still happened:



Overall this volume was not as bad as I expected. The artwork is a bit awkward in places. In particular, the Enterprise is drawn with its nacelles at awkward angles. The refitted Enterprise had made only one appearance, the movie, at this point, but the basic geometry of it was the same. Through much of the book the stories actually felt like Star Trek, which was a nice surprise. Towards the end of the run the covers became increasingly bizarre. Here are my favorites. I have no idea if anyone else finds them as funny as I do.

I have nothing to say about this one.



There were two "Captain Kirk's crazy" covers in a row for unrelated stories.





How many comics series brag about being canceled? This last issue boldly proclaims itself to be a collectors' item.

Okay.

Your results:
You are Will Riker

Will Riker 80% James T. Kirk (Captain) 80% Jean-Luc Picard 75% Worf 55% Chekov 45% Geordi LaForge 35% Beverly Crusher 30% Mr. Scott 30% Deanna Troi 25% Uhura 25% Data 24% Spock 22% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 15% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 5% Mr. Sulu 0%

At times you are self-centered but you have many friends. You love many women, but the right woman could get you to settle down.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

Yes, this movie exists. I picked it up at Midtown Comics last time I was in New York and just got around to watching it. I love messed up Santa movies, and this is possibly the worst I've ever encountered. It involves Santa's sleigh being stuck in the sand in Florida days before Christmas Eve and summoning a bunch of children who turn up with a strange assortment of useless farm animals and furries who try to help free the sleigh; the movie runs out of steam so fast it actually shoehorns a whole different movie, a Thumbelina adaptation by the same filmmakers, into the middle of the movie.   When the movie gets around to returning to the Santa premise it climaxes in a person in a bunny costume driving a car full of singing children. I had to suffer through this, and I'm a sore loser. I'm taking all of you down with me. Behold:

It actually makes the 1959 Santa Claus feel like a good movie. Quick clip for wusses:

Or just watch the whole thing from the beginning:

I guess it's really a bit early for all this Santa talk.

The Extremely Slow Murderer with Inefficient Weapon

Untitled from Nik on Vimeo.

Whisk: an entirely fictional William Shatner endorsement

With William Shatner's absence from the new Star Trek movie (which makes perfect sense continuity-wise) I thought perhaps reposting this old thing would appease, to some degree, any huge Shatner fans out of the three people who are reading. I wrote this script in a college class on writing advertisements for radio. This assignment was to write a 60 second radio advertisement for a non-existant razor blade company that made their blades from whatever material it is from which spacecraft are made. Naturally there was only one man alive who could effectively endorse such a product. The resulting script, posted below, kind of ticked off the professor. But he was so ticked off he angrily read the script to the class, and the room erupted with laughter. I do hope that was not my life's greatest achievement. So here's the script:

Client: Whisk razor blades
Description: 60 sec humorous
Airdate: 15 June 1999
Author: Liam Kemp
Title: Shatner endorsement

ANNCR: For Whisk razor blades here's William Shatner.

SHATNER: Hello I'm William Shatner. Most of you remember me as Captain James T. Kirk of Star Trek fame. Over the years I've been asked by thousands of fans how I managed to bed at least one alien chick in just about every episode of Star Trek and get away with this blatant disregard for the Prime Directive. Well my answer is Whisk razor blades. They're new right now but by the twenty-third century everyone will use them. If they work such wonders on future alien women just imagine the success you could be having right now on earth with blades made of ceramic used for America's space exploration program. They might cost a little more than lower quality blades but it's worth it. Listen to me-

ADMIRAL: (BEEPING SOUND CUTS SHATNER OFF IN MID-SENTENCE... FEMALE VOICE) This is Starfleet Command. We've another child support claim from the planet Orion....hey how did you get such a close smooth shave?

SHATNER: Um, with Whisk space-age razor blades.

ADMIRAL: What was I saying?

SHATNER: Just to buy whisk razor blades and the future will be yours now.

ADMIRAL: And they're great for women too.

...or be somebody's fool.